I have a love-hate relationship with change. It’s almost as if some days I crave it. Other days I’m craving routine, I want every day to be the same so that I don’t feel anxious about what tomorrow might bring.
I do believer however, that if our lives do not change – neither do we. How can we possibly grow as a person if every day is the same? But how can we contain our happiness and feel settled if everyday is different?
Change has won the game and I’ve completely lost. I’ve lost it. Whatever ‘it’ was.
I craved change and I chased what I wanted at the time. Then it turned out that I completely got it wrong. Change wasn’t what I needed, but something kept igniting in my brain telling me to go for it. Then that was the end of it. I lost it all.
For the last year, my life has been nothing but constant change. But with each change I’ve learned to not only expect change, but to accept change. Because now I know there’s only one constant in life.
Sometimes I lay in bed awake at night thinking about all the dumb shit I’ve done. Sometimes it feels like I am completely paralyzed. My skin is on fire with anxiety about wanting my old life back. I just want it back.
I fail to accept the change. I have accepted the change, I just fail to be happy with my life now.
“I’ve never regret following my heart. I will say that it hasn’t always turned out in my favor but it has always taught me a lesson. – Kim”
How do you move forwards with your life? How do you take the next step, without regretting it?
Is the grass really greener on the other side?
A 24 year old from the Midlands, always looking to escape her hometown for an adventure.