Welcome to CTRL ALT DELETE a brand new mini-series where I invite guests to talk about a wide range of topics!
Lets talk toxic relationships…
Written by Zara Chapman
In life, unfortunately you will come across ‘toxic people’. These people have been sent into your life to test you by the gods of fate. It may be an acquaintance, friend or even a partner. You won’t be able to see it at first. You might think they are the best thing since sliced bread and feel that you need them in your life forever but, as harsh as it sounds, they are merely there to fill space in your life for a while.
The “ick” feeling you get for a person is something that comes gradually; creeping in over time the more you get to know someone. You will eventually come to a point when you will just know that it’s the right time to say goodbye to that “’toxic person’. Maybe it was a passing comment that sparked a fire in your head; it could be way they conduct themselves in public or within your friendship group that you don’t agree with. Or maybe it’s just a classic case of a personality clash -, you just don’t get on with this particular person because you are polar opposites of each other and actually have nothing in common after all. Other friends may have expressed concerns that you are being treated badly, but you can’t see it because you’re too close to the situation. It might take a while, months – even years – but once you cut this person out of your life, only then will you realize “ahh that’s what she meant”. Trust me, you will feel much better for it. Maybe not at first; there will be a natural grieving period for any relationship or friendship, but as with everything time is a healer.
The saying goes, “You make your own fate” If you don’t like something change it! Don’t ever settle because you are “comfortable” or because it is “familiar” whether that ‘s in a relationship, friendship or a job. If you are not happy at a certain stage in your life, it’s okay to take a deep breath and just move on. If you find yourself in an awkward, uncomfortable scenario it’s okay to just remove yourself from the situation. It’s okay to turn around and walk away. “Fight or flight” come into play here whatever decision you make and either option is fine. What will be will be and you will deal with it as you see fit.
Speaking from personal experience, DO NOT EVER think that you are not worthy of something or someone. You as a unique individual are enough to deal with anything life throws at you and you will deal with it in your own way. Who you are is enough. If there is one thing I have learned in life so far, it is to never ever lose yourself. Never ever forget who you are and let someone else try to control your life no matter who they are, where they have come from or how you met. Most of all don’t depend on anyone and you will not be disappointed; maintain your confidence and independence and fucking own it.
We only get one life and that one life is yours, you control what does and doesn’t happen. Life is precious and something that only us as individuals can be in control of. Surround yourself with positive vibes, energy and people. Love life and life will love you back. Never let anyone tell you what to do or try to control you. If you want to spend your last couple of quid before payday on a take out coffee, if that coffee is all it takes to kick start your day on a positive note in your own head, if it makes you happy then bloody well do it.
Mines a latte xoxo
A twenty something from the Black Country with a love for the natural world, feminism, girl power and all things quirky 💖